Split Screen Sadness

This is a chunk of one of my favorite break up songs by John Mayer…I suggest you give it a listen…and on a sidenote, in another break-up song he says, “I survive on the breath that you’re finished with”…and that describes my feelings to a T. Anyways…enjoy…or cry yourself to sleep.

“…All you need is love is a lie cause
We had love but we still said goodbye
Now we’re tired, battered fighters

And it stings when it’s nobody’s fault
Cause there’s nothing to blame at the drop of your name
It’s only the air you took and the breath you left

Maybe I’ll sleep inside my coat and
Wait on the porch ’til you come back home
Oh, right
I can’t find a flight……
So I’ll check the weather wherever you are
Cause I wanna know if you can see the stars tonight
It might be my only right

We share the sadness
Split screen sadness

I called…
Because……
I just…
Need to feel you on the line
Don’t hang up this time
And I know it was me who called it over but
I still wish you’d fought me ’til your dying day
Don’t let me get away

Cause I can’t wait to figure out what’s wrong with me
So I can say this is the way that I used to be
There’s no substitute for time…”

When it hurts so bad…

Grab the ripest grapefruit, slice it in half…these are my feelings. Raw…Fresh…Bitter.

Her

 I will get the “doesn’t matter” part out of the way, and say that…I…hate her. I chose that word as gingerly as possible…it’s rare from me, and truly heart-felt. She was there for the conception, she was there for the ultrasound…and she was oh so eager to congratulate the birth. Now because of her…it’s dangling from a five story building…I don’t have the hands to catch it, and he doesn’t have the feet to run to its aid. I hate her because I understand…hell, I can’t say that prior to today, had I been in her shoes and she in mine…I wouldn’t have done the same thing. But the funny thing is, because of their joint actions…she and I may be switching roles. Wait…that’s not all that funny.

Him

I’m gonna skip over the “Only part that does matter” cause…I’m still reeling…still lost with my loss…still…standing still. It hurts to the point of not having words for it. I’d spend all my pennies from heaven to fix it…and Lord know’s I’ve saved up…but I doubt I’d ever have enough to even put “fix” on layaway. It’s not the action…but the lights…camera…and FIN.

Me

The in between is that my trust took a blow…not just with him, but for everything and everyone. And I can’t help but wonder what I could have done to avoid it. Yes, what I could have done better, or done less, etc…

But that’s neither here nor there, nor now.

Love May King

Weekends used to be weak ends to the week,

Now I’m weak for the week’s end,

Weak when we end,

And fall fast asleep.

Icing for you,

Then do things that some thought but few knew things,

New things for you things,

Too good to be true things,

Better than she used to things,

Better than ya used to things,

Better than if you used two things…

On your back, makin’ scratches,

Pullin hair, leavin’ patches,

Wonderin’ who this cat is…

Askin’ who’s this cat is…….

Love May King, But

I’m the queen of this queen-bedspread,

Legs spread

like word of mouth,

Bed, Table, shower, couch,

Love May King

So fulfilling

Soulful filling

Ready, willing,

givin’ him the business,

Love May King a killing.

g’nite!