“You MUST be sleepy”-Lil Duval

I love to write and though texting isn’t the most sophisticated platform for an argument (it’s right up there with arguing inside of a camping tent.) I’ve managed to master the art.

I just got out of a grapple to end the match that has went on for the past 2 hrs. Lmao, had we spoken on the phone I would have lost, because I hesitate in speech. Anyways, I was sittin here thinkin’, “Damn, my hands hurt from texting…I should ‘FATALITY!’ Him already…”. Final round ended like this:

Him: So basically ur telling me u regret it and u don’t want me to come.

Me: I’m telling you it’s 4am, and if you really wanted to see me or talk it would have happened over the past few days. You were ghost. How else should I take that?

Him: I have been busy Kris.

Me: Well I’m honored that you found it in your heart to pencil me in for the middle of the night. I’m sure you fuck with more convenient girls. One HAS to be awake.

Case in point, sometimes in the text battlefield, it’s unwise to end with a question mark as I did on that first response. Why? Cause even though you THINK your question mark is evoking feelings of empathy, and making the other person see your point of view, it’s NOT. You’re just leaving yourself open for an excuse. (See: I have been busy…) But, luckily for me, he provided a weak excuse without thesis or any supporting statements. That left him open for the take down…ring the bell dammit, he don’t want nooooo more.

Lol, also, keep a cool head. Wins like this are the result of being passive and not being too emotionally invested in the person/argument. I couldn’t care less about the topic at hand (why we couldn’t date/pick up where we left off, and why I didn’t want his company now or ever.) Yeah, I could have just ignored him to avoid drama or hard feelings. But I prefer closure. I like for both parties to understand and accept why the outcome is what it is. I think that’s why I struggled so much with sitches like Ant last year and KB this year. I had to BUILD my closure for those situations. Ha…not only has this been a rewarding writing exercise, but I learned something about myself as well. And no, I didn’t have to come outta pocket so rudely about calling someone more convenient (he lives 30 min away) But he had it coming. Saying he was too busy when he KNOWS I know otherwise is not only a statement about my importance to him, but it’s a cheap shot at my intelligence. People get fired in this bitch for smaller infractions. I was over our sitch before I could even be under him. (Dude, if I had time to blog about it last week, you’ve BEEN outta the picture!) Note to stupid guys: NObody’s sex is THAT good. And if it is, I’m glad I didn’t fuck up and let him smash.
Good Morning!

Where else have I been?

Other things in less exciting news…

Ike (one of the “Great Ones”, you know, when you think you’re in love etc) moved away to Waco. I was absolutely annoyed with him the whole week before he left and now I don’t put much thought into it. I haven’t seen him in maybe a year…and before that more than 2 years, so the move doesn’t effect anything…if we couldn’t find the time to be friends when he lived 30 min away, what’s another 2 hrs, ya know?

What else? Bryant (on again off again for the past 3 and a half years finally cut himself off forever I think. His grandma recently passed away and he tried to throw it in my face like I didn’t give a shit about him…we’re better than that…or we were…but I’m not even gonna worry about it. I offered a shoulder or an ear if he needed it, and I’m sorry to see him lose someone so important to him, but our friendship can’t be fixed at this point. I think we only held on because of the time we invested (almost 4 years) but it’s done for good this time around. There’s a reason we never dated…this is the reminder.

Speaking of deaths in the family, Jay (aka Strummable abs to Sharon) recently lost his younger cousin. It happened around the same time as Bryant’s grandma, but they seemed to handle their sitches completely differently. I saw hime the other day…all I’ll say is he hasn’t changed much. He’s not the man I wanted to marry, but he’s a good friend…one who forgives and forgets better than I ever could. His franchise seems to be doing well, and things are looking up for him despite his obstacles, but the boy’s gonna be okay.

I’m a lot closer to getting a new car…fingers crossed.

I finally got around to seeing “Slumdog Millionaire” and “He’s just not that into you”…GREAT stuff. Not that I take movies/books seriously, but…well I’ll touch on it later. Right now I’m about to get the house ready for a 4-legged guest…Luciano is about to have a female friend til February…I get the feeling they’re gonna hump. hopefully not tho. I’ll be damned if anybody’s gettin some under MY roof when I’m not.

Excerpt

Been kinda “busy” lately…and by “busy” I mean I’ve yet to find a way to put my feelings into words without furthering my dillema…but, in the meantime, I have been looking at older entries from other blogs, and I realize that though I’ve softened up a little, I’m still a bit rough. The following excerpts can still apply to how I feel about life right this second.

November 16, 2006

“First off…I’m happy with my endeavors…happy that for the time being, folks know how to mind their business (For the most part…) Happy that when I say I was happy before you, I’m happy with you, and I’ll be happy without you, I mean it. I don’t need a nigga. Don’t need a daddy, a brother, friend, boyfriend…but I WANT you. So quit testing my ambivalence! I love how being “In a Relationship” can sometimes feel as liberating as being “Single” or as unsure as when “It’s complicated”.”

Still true. At the moment, I’ve slipped into a rabbit hole of sorts, and I’m stuck at a point deciding whether I should climb back out…or burrow my way to the the other end…I’m Tom Cruisin’ it cause this is risky business! Worth the wait? Yes. Worth the risk…hope so. *goofy grin*

Hmm.

I’m having a great hair day. And that’s about it. Oh wait, spoke too soon…I’ve got a 95% on my QA scores for the week, and just scored a 97% on my corporate calibrations. Woo-mutha-effin-hoo. Most of my bills are taken care of…and I’ll actually have some extra money at the end of the month…dunno which of my funds it’ll go to, but, it’ll be a blessing.

*Sighs* but all that aside, my mind is elsewhere. There’s a lotta things I have to adjust pretty soon to avoid disaster, and it’s a bit overwhelming. Usually my mannish approach to these kind of things would be my go-to solve-all…and yet, not this time around. Ugh…over-thinking…UGH!!! I won’t unravel my thoughts here tho, so lucky you…

Blah…be back later when I’m a bit more organized.

If I wasn’t so Flaca,

I woulda put his triflin ass on blast today. Or I woulda’ let a lil tear drop while the sad hulk music played in the background…

But I am Flaca, so allow me to get into mannish character. ::::grips metaphorical balls::::

Aight. So, this nigga gon’ accidently send me a text intended for another chic. This is the second time, and though he ain’t a fulltime employee, it’s still not the kind of behavior I’d like for any of my workers to exhibit. It shows your lack of committment to the company and your failure to pay attention to detail. It’s one thing to be talkin to other girls…hell…that’s the whole basis of us not bein exclusive…I expect that. But by all means…don’t have too many to keep up with, don’t EVER think I’m interchangeable, and certainly don’t lie about it. I handed him a pink slip immediately. He begged for his job back…

“Since we haven’t been talkin it really has left an empty place in my heart. I try daily to put you off to the side but the thought of you never leaves me. I realized I haven’t only
messed up a relationship with an angel in my eyes, but I have also lost my
friend, and soulmate…and I can’t stop beating myself up for
that”

(There was a lot more, in other messages, but I’d hate to get caught with too much counterfeit on hand–I’d go to jail for possession with intention to distribute) So. I didn’t pay it any attention, but left it on the counter where Krisaela got a hold of it. She starts respondin to him, and next thing you know we got false hope on our hands. Just as he thinks everything is peachy keen, his other chic tags him in the pics they recently took at the Mav’s game on Kidd’s first night back in Dallas. (Shit he used to do with Krisaela) LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! Krisaela came and got me (on the brink of tears like a lil baby ass cry baby) so I finalized his termination and got rid of his position (Extra On-Call) altogether.

As if that wasn’t enough, yesterday I go out for a day of “Shit I like to do that doesn’t involve or include anyone but my selfish ass”. I shopped for jewelry, got my hair done, got the honey pot checked out at the Doc’s (it’s still fat, hard to get into and most importantly, uncontaminated!) and my last stop was a trip to Victoria’s Secret. I find myself in my own little world after discovering what I think is the best bra in the world. I barely notice some bright chic with highlights walk by with a guy. Outta my peripheral, I don’t pay dude much attention but he looks skaterish (I thought). Before I leave the “Very Sexy” area for the “Pink” section, I glance up thinking, “That girl was prolly cute (at least her hair was)…but the guy with her prolly wasn’t…let me take a look an make an assumption as to how they met/why they’re together.” (For the record, it’s NOT just me that does silly stuff like that!!!)

I look up to see the girl absorbed in the lacy panties, and dude’s body language (I hadn’t looked at his face yet) looked secretly uncomfortable. Like, if I were a stranger (which I thought I was) I wouldn’t have read the discomfort he was projecting. But alas, it was Mr. “Strike 3″ himself. (The chic was either the other chic…or another other chic…sorry, I didn’t pay much attention)LOL, Krisaela says, “I see you spreadin ya self so thin it ain’t hard to see through” But Flaca (She was already diggin’ through the “Pink” panties lookin for her “5 for $25″ said, “If hoe ass niggas come in all shapes and sizes, why the FUCK can’t I find a medium in these hipsters???”

Lol, ya’ll be goode.