Chase

So, I’ve lived in my North Dallas neighborhood for nearly 3 years. Not much has changed accept there’s more cops, less violence, and I get slightly less attention than I did when I was new. I say less, because when I first moved out here, I was TERRIFIED to leave the house during the day. I’d get so much unwanted attention it was scary. Guys following me for blocks, or tryin to trap me with their vehicle in a dead end, etc. It got to the point where I’d only walk down the street after 11pm. Cause at night, in my pajamas, it’s harder to see what I look like. People are less likely to bother me cause I could be a crack-head, a hooker, a guy… Whatever. Well, out of all the guy’s cars that slowed down over the years, there’s one guy that I was always polite (though short) with. In all of our run-ins, He’s never honked at me (my pet peeve). He always rides alongside me, trying to convince me that “today’s the day…” Lol. He’s parked and walked with me a few times, and while I admired his “I’m tryin to come correct” approach, it still didn’t get him far. His name is Chase, and he strikes me as a soft-spoken, square Ryan Leslie. Yesterday, he saw me at the shopping center near my apts. He quickly parked his Hummer, and followed me into where else? The beauty supply store. Lol, he dared to go where no straight man dares to gooooo…lol. I couldn’t find what I wanted, so we went next door to another store where I did. (Cleaning gloves) he then grabbed my hand (bold, right?!) And for some reason I spared his life (anybody knows that I’m quick to pull out the mace and/or a blade). He opened up the passenger side of his truck and gave me a ride back home (2 min away). We talked, and after nearly 3 years of politely turning him down, I gave him my number. Not cause I wanna date anyone…hell, after this week, I’m so burnt out on “liking” someone, I don’t know when I’ll come back down off the shelf. It’s not like getting back up on the horse…it’s more like climbing onto a talllll giraffe…oh well. I’ve got a 3 day weekend, and my prior plans are ruined so…
But I digress. I gave him my number “because”. And because had I not, I feel like Karma woulda sent another asshole along to teach me a lesson. Heh…hope this week ends well. I really wish Ant coulda came to open mic last night. *fighting a smile* I remember him being quite the poet.

Happy for him!!!

Alright. So. I said I had somethin to say about Jay. Hopefully my blog is tucked away far enough for him to never find this one, lol. I love him to death, and wish him only the best…cause even though our past is troubled, he’s an amazing person and I’m blessed to have known him. With that said…

He'd kick my ass if he knew I referenced this pic.

 

First off, backstory…I almost quit my job, moved half-way across the world to have a lil girl with him. Lol, blunt, but we were on a mission back in the day, lmao. Here’s the summary:

I met him at work one day…didn’t take him serious…at all. He was gooooode looking, and played basketball…really well. So those were the red lights for me, lmao. Dude’s like that are either hoes, or they’re chased by a million of em. He gave me HIS number, and I dunno what I did with it…(well I knooow what I did with it, but I don’t want to say it here, lol.)

2 months later, I run into his homeboy…who was like, “You know, he looked for you at all his home games…looked out in the crowd, and you neva’ came…” :-/ Had me feelin’ all crunchy like the wicked witch of the East…and he calls Jay up right then and there to tell him he ran into me. Few days later, he “stopped by” Ahem. By stopped by, I mean he drove prolly 45 min to an hr to see me. Nothing sexual…we watched his basketball footage (He’s incredible) and just “caught up” since we never spoke after the day I met him. After a while, we started talking, his ex and mother of his children caused some static, makin’ threats about him not being able to see his boys…so I walked away. I didn’t wanna have any part in a man not being able to see his kids…especially one who is a devoted father like he is. He told me to reconsider, and that his ex had backed down…I still didn’t. We ended on bad terms…and didn’t speak or see each other for 2 years.

Ahem. But when we did, we hit the ground running…I was immediately on a plane to Atlanta to reunite with the man of my dreams…lol. There’s no need to go into detail…but I flew back to Texas glowing. I was looking forward to packing up my life, having a big belly, swollen feet, and buying pink stuff. This is the blog about that very day I headed home to say goodbye to Texas.

Anyway…I ended up not having his baby. He ended up having custody battles with the ex, it put extra stress on us, and we didn’t make it. By the time he moved back to Texas, there was nothing to salvage…I loved him, but I didn’t think we could make it work. I didn’t wanna risk getting caught up or hurt…and I had met Ant (insert dreamy music ya’ll, lol). The last time I saw Jay was last July. Won’t go into details, cause it was one of the saddest nights of my life. All I’ll say is that he promised up and down that in the time we were together and in the last 8 months, he hadn’t been with another woman. (I didn’t believe him). He wanted us to get back together, and for me to leave Ant alone. I wouldn’t…so he left. A month later, he posts pics up of his new (old gf) referring to her as his future baby mama. I got a good laugh outta that…cause had I left Ant (And we all know that’s not scientifically possible, lol) that woulda been me. Or it woulda been both of us! Lmao…I spoke to him back in January, and he tells me they were getting married, and he was expecting a baby in June. Then a month later he tells me she lost the baby. He said she was 6 months pregnant. (Yeah, do the math…count the lies.) But then…last week…She had the baby!!! I don’t even care about our past, or the lies…It’s a little girl!!! And she’s BEAUTIFUL…even fresh outta the womb!!!(You know I don’t fuck with babies til they’ve had the slime offa them for at least 3 weeks…lol!!! Most babies come out lookin like gargoyles and I don’t play that shit…but, she’s gorgeous. I don’t even care he was trife as hell…I’m glad he finally got the little girl we wanted…and looking at his track record, it’s for the best that I wasn’t the one to give it to him. But I’m happy. Genuinely happy…and hope he continues to be blessed with his new family, and his basketball franchise he just bought. *Chuckles* I’m an awesome ex. I guess I didn’t have to type all this out to just say that whenever I read Shannon’s blogs about the little girl she didn’t get to have…I think about ‘07. We’ll have our own with real Prince Charmings, lol, someday, I’m certain of it.

p.s. Shannon if you’re reading, hover your mouse over your name. LOL

Toodles!!!

Post Therapy

Ha, just realized the title of this entry is a pun. But that’s neither here nor there. So, I’ve been consumed by my new favorite blog stop lately, “According to me: Learning how to fall out of love”. When I read Shannon’s blog, I can’t help but feel like I’m walking past a painted picture of a place that looks eerily familiar…

I was there. Not being able to eat, sleep, function. Always feeling like I was on the verge of being sick…not wanting to be around anyone, yet hating being alone. I was unemployed, crying in between interviews because I gave up all chances of stability while trying to preserve something that wasn’t meant for me to keep. It took me nearly 8 months to get it together. Everytime I’d get on a roll, I’d find myself ruining it for some quick fix, and then having to work twice as hard to get back where I was. I went from thinking I had to move 5 hours away from him  to finally staying  my black ass right where I was and making it to the light at the end of the tunnel. I think things took a huge turn in February when I woke up at 5am Wednesday morning to get ready to record…only to hear that my best friend had died in her sleep. It was in the days of mourning that followed that I realized that in life, there are truly more important things worth crying over.  

Eventually, I got back to “living”, and these days I’m better than ever. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t remember where I came from. This is why I find Shannon’s posts to be therapeutic. They serve as a reminder that life does go on, and you’ll make it through. I’m proof. : ) !!!

stupid ass bowling alley socks

I’m so pissed I can barely see straight. I walked around in them alllll fuckin day…they’re the only ankle socks that stay put when I wear them with hightop sneakers…
And all day I thought about where they came from, the night I got em, how foolish I had been…
There is a 6 mile chunk of 635 in Dallas that I shut my eyes and refuse to look at from the passenger seat of ANY vehicle. And if I’m driving? Best believe I take 75 instead. It tastes like a busted lip…
I’m not sure if I’m upset that I have to start all over again from yesterday, or if I’m bothered with the fact that I may have solved the problem for good. I DO know that it took seeing her again for all this to re-surface. I don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone more than her. Ever. Not Hitler, not Kevin Bacon…nobody. And that bugs me! Cause…she’s not worth it. I know this cause I had forgotten she existed til today.
I had it right about a month ago, and now due to my lack of discipline, I gotta wait til MARCH! Gimme a fuckin break already!!!
I wish my mom was here right this second. I’d cry, and cry, and cryyyyyyy, and then laugh and say, “I know, this is stupid” and we’d prolly go shopping or she’d give me a box full of designer shoes hot off the runway. Shoes that don’t require socks, and if they do, you’d never think to wear bowling alley socks with them anyway. They’re much too good for that.

2 days after Thanksgiving, I called my mom to wish her a happy one. I explained my tardiness, and after she got me all worked up about it, she challenged me to just start back writing. I told her I couldn’t, cause I had absolutely no desire to…but here we are at the end of an entry that feels like it was written on a piece of sandpaper. And I’m relieved.
Goodnight.

Don-Don-Don…(the sound of suspense…or a pleased woman, lol)

Man…Don’s post today hit home…I opened the door, said I didn’t want any…and then it proceeded to go next door in hopes of selling some thin mints. I’m on, cause that’s where I moved. But it was a great post.

Just came to do a quick update.

1.) This is a pic of the guy in the previous entry. I hate when people take cell phone pics and the phone is in the pic, but…I’ma let it slide cause he has an 8-pack.

He

 

2.) Someone stole 40 bucks from me at work today. Next time he comes in, he’s gonna wonder why the fuck the back of his head is bleeding with shards of glass sticking out.

3.) Tendai’s back from South Africa and I’ll be workin for him come December. Yay!

4.) A friend from work took me to Dave & Buster’s tonight for drinks and pool lessons. Their Mojitos are trash but their pineapple upside-down cake cocktail is the biz. He bought me roses and a teddy bear and in return I tried to think of what my excuse for not calling him would be.

5.) And then I smashed my hand in his car door. Karma is a bitch! Lol.

6.) It won’t stop bleeding.

7.) I’m madly in love with Manny Ramirez. How else could you explain my interest in baseball?

8.) Beyonce’s new song “If I were a boy” is what? The truth. As much as I wanna hate on her female empowerment anthems…the chorus shut me up.

9.) We (Unkommon Kolor) were featured in UTA’s fashion show last night and killed it. I’m ecstatic cause even though I was at work and couldn’t attend, I submitted some original pieces that were received well. (pics will be up soon).

10.) Some White guys think I’m hot. Like, “Mom, Dad, I want you to meet Krisaela” Hot.

11.) I’m finding myself listening to a LOT of country music lately…

TTYL ya’ll…

So it’s agreed. It’s a greed (That’s my creed)

Everyone was saying it, and it took me til today to finally agree with them.

Let’s be 23 about the situation.

A lie is a lie is a lie…unless you tell everyone…in which case it becomes a common belief. Why a sheep would wanna wear WOLVE’S clothing is beyond me…major shoulder shruggage on that one.

In response to an AKA probate on campus, a funny Delta once said, “Hey ya’ll…guess what happened today in the union at about 2 o’clock?”

 Everyone of course asked, “What?”

She responded, “Not a damn thang” and walked off.

This is how I feel when I do a recap on just about ANYTHING these days. It makes me wonder why the f*** I put so much emphasis on situations that were blatantly not deserving. For the first time in a LONG time, I experienced RAW anger yesterday. I was angry to the point of not being able to blog it…which is rare for me. I just had a permanent fist…ready to molly-whop anyone in my path. I could barely contain myself, and as I sat rigid in my computer chair, I thought to myself, “This is what slashed tires, keyed cars and baby mama’s are made of”. Of course it’s not what I’m made of, so I got over it. “Life is short and black and white, like little penguins…”

But seriously though…I’ll turn 23 in 10 days. Back when I turned 21, I said, “I’m 21. Not fresh-faced 18, not a wet n wild-child 19, not an ambivalent 20 year old…a grown ass, graceful, strong, intelligent, witty–I ain’t gotta tell you!!! Lol…”

And now I’ll say the same…and add that at 22, I was all the above. Well, minus the ambivalence, cause I knew what I wanted, when I wanted it, and if you couldn’t give it to me, you got dismissed and made fun of over sushi with friends.

At 23…I hope know I’ll be better than ever. My most recent mantra has been that “I can only do better”, and it’s the truth. I have a lot of stuff to work on…lots of projects I had put aside. As for friendships and relationships…this is where I’d remind the audience that some people are strictly seasonal…but I think if one were just bored outta their mind and ever just READ me, they’d pick up on that after the first few entries. What I WILL say, is that all my interactions with people (even those that appear to be a COMPLETE waste of time and bloggery) have been precious gifts because whether good or bad, they strengthened my relationship with J. Christ. Oh you know him too? That’s awesome.

The last time I blogged, I said I wouldn’t be here for a while, because of the only part that mattered…but, now I’ll just say I love you, take your time…and that whatever it is will be there when you finish, whether it was there before, it’s there now, or it’s something else completely.

This isn’t really my “How Saela got her groove back” entry…I’m just glad to be back at work and moving in a positive direction. Yesterday I was pissed because on my emotional conveyor belt, I moved the material from “sadness” to “anger” and then the machine broke down before it made it to indifference. By the time I left work today, I had fixed the machine, flipped the switch, and oila…we have a perfectly assembled and sealed package of “what were we packaging again?”

Lastly, (I know ya’ll are like, stfu already!!!) Lupe’s coming on Wednesday!!!  It’ll be my 4th time seeing him…Our “seats” aren’t that exciting cause I’ve never gone to see him without being in hug/handshake range…but, he said if he has time, we (the UK _________) will get to hang out either before or after. Here’s my logic. He’s gotta propose eventually…4’s the charm, right???

Presidential

So, I never blog things that aren’t self-centered…or centered on myself (something I felt the need to rephrase for effect), and today isn’t much different, but in case I hadn’t mentioned it…I am very passionate about anything dealing with the election. With that said, I’m blogging this from the parking garage at the convention center in Dallas. The line not only wrapped around the building, it’s weaving through the parking garage, lots and streets. The subway was packed getting here. People from every walk of life are here and I’m filled with Pride…and hope…and whatever the proper term is for “warm and fuzzies”. It’s supposed to start at noon, but there’s no way all of us will fit in the building that soon. It feels like everyone in the metroplex is gathered here. With THAT said, let me get into the self-centered part of this post. Ryan called me a few minutes ago to ask me to tell him all about Obama’s speech today because he intended to use it as his excuse to miss work today. I tried to be nice and said, “Come up with a better excuse…one I don’t give a shit about…or if you just have to be a sorry ass nigga…fuckin google it!!!” Needless to say we’ll never speak again. Speaking of not speaking…Jay texted me askin for money…and I didn’t respond because for 1, the answer is no. And 2, I don’t need any excuse to talk to him. But, I wanted to say…”Ask the bitch that’s livin wit you”. But bein the classy, jazzy broad that I am…I gave him somethin to take to the bank–I’m limitless in my worth so I gave him silence cause it’s golden.

Ciao Bitches!